Taper Time

It’s time to taper my training and prepare for the Vancouver Marathon on May 2^nd.

I imagine this is what it’s like to stop using heroin cold turkey.

In theory, tapering is a relaxing week or so before a marathon when the training is over, the long runs are in the books, and all that is left to be done is rest.

In reality, The Taper is 7-14 days of mental torture, body mis-management, and stress.

Tell me all you want about the physical benefits of tapering before a marathon (I’ve read those books, too, you know) but I really wonder how much the physical benefits matter if the experience turns you into a self-conscious, hyper-critical stress ball like it does to me.

Physical evidence aside (what do those scientists and doctors know, anyway?) how can NOT running help you prepare for the biggest run of your life? It just doesn’t make sense. And my body knows this.

When I’m not running, I walk through the day like a bored toddler. I watch a little television. Read a little bit of a book. Eat a snack. Go outside. Take a nap. Eat another snack. No direction and no energy.

And not only do I get a little stir-crazy when I can’t run, I tend to get fat and lazy. Running gives me energy and burns those few extra calories I pack in, and it takes a week or more for my body to realize I’m not running and adjust its desire for Kraft Macaroni and Cheese accordingly. By the time I am able to adjust my diet, I’ve gained all the pounds I managed to slice off during the peak of training. “Race weight,” which I have never achieved in my life, slips away as the race draws closer.

And so I decide that running “a little” won’t do any harm and will make me easier to be around. I go out of a little three mile jog and come back an hour later with seven miles on the books. Woops. Then the next day I’m a little stiff, and figure a nice jog will loosen things up. Repeat.

And then at mile 22, somewhere west of downtown Vancouver, I smash headlong into a wall and my legs start to give up. And I think, I should really take the taper more seriously, as Cap’n Ron grooves past me to the finish. It’s like I can see into the future…

Happy tapering everyone.